Days Of Our Lives

Sometimes I get to thinkin' I was back in the old days, long ago
When we were kids, when we were young, things seemed so perfect then, ya know
Days were endless, we were crazy, we were young
The sun was always shining, we just lived for fun
Sometimes it seems like lately, I just don't know
The rest of my life has been just a show.

Those were the days of our lives
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now, but one thing remains
When I look and I find no change
You can't turn back the clock, you can't turn back the time
Ain't that a shame
I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game
No use in sittin' and thinkin' what you did
You can lay back and enjoy it through the kids
Sometimes it seems like lately, I just don't know
Better sit back and go with the flow

Because these are the days of our lives
They've flown in the swiftness of time
Those days are all gone now but one thing remains
When I look, and I find
Hope still survives.

I had a dream last night. I was napping on the couch in my home at Bounding Bend. It was day. I stirred from my sleep at the sound of an approaching car coming up the driveway. I opened my eyes and listened. Who was coming? I wake, not knowing.

The sound of the gravel under wheels always made everyone stop and listen. For the longest time, before the construction, we lived at the end of a long, gravel country road. Whenever we heard the gravel under a car, we would stop and listen - would they turn around, lost or just on a Sunday drive or would the sound stop, followed by the sound of car doors announcing visitors?

It seems that all my dreams of "home" take place at Bounding Bend. I don't recall dreaming of any other home, though I've lived in several. Because those were the days of my life.

I want to have more dreams. I like them and I like trying to figure them out, the puzzle of them, the agony of them, the comfort of them. This last dream, I don't know. So short. I woke up knowing that in the dream someone was coming. But I woke up. I don't know who. Are they coming to visit me?

A few months after my mom died, I had a dream about her. I was laying in bed (in my room at Bounding Bend) and she came to my bedside. I was under a thin sheet but could see her through the fabric. I sat up and she laid her hands on both sides of my face, smiled, then kissed me and said that I'd see her soon. She backed away and was gone.

This dream was so real. I remember my conciousness knowing that it was a dream. The fact that there was a veil, a curtain, the thin sheet between us meant that I couldn't touch her. That she was there yet unreachable. Her smile was real and her words were clear. What does it mean, "You'll see me soon."? Is my life to be short or does time move more swiftly for her now and the years that I have left are nothing to her? I do understand how sometimes the deaths of husbands and wives can happen so close together. Does this mean that I want to die? It doesn't. But it has changed how I look at death.

A friend of mine at work just lost her Great Aunt. The family was with the old woman as she died. The woman was very old yet very clear of mind. When the old woman passed, her last words were of greeting those who had passed before her. She was being welcomed by her mother, father, family and friends! She was seeing them as she passed from us! This is the joy of death and rebirth! I am not afraid knowing that I will see my mother again forever.

I miss my mom. Things are different. There is a hole in my heart that will forever remain empty while I live. But... the heart can grow. While the hole will always remain, my heart grows. The above song is not of my doing. It's credit belongs to Freddie Mercury and Queen. The music is equally beautiful but the lyrics are strong and speak to me. "Those days are gone now, but I look and find that hope still survives." I feel that something teriffic is going to happen to me. I find myself greeting each day like a child on Christmas morning. Not knowing but knowing something awaits. Something wonderful. It may be my death, it may be my life. Both are wonderful. I can hardly wait to unwrap my presents!