Source Of Obesity In America

Hello Americans,

I have discovered the source of obesity in America. The evil can be found on Polito Avenue in Lyndhurst, New Jersey in a little establishment called Harold's Deli. I'm sitting back with the Captain at my side and will now tell the tale of this discovery.

My work took me to Lyndhurst, New Jersey to our sister castle there. Lyndhurst is also home to the Meadowlands Sports Complex where the current Super Bowl Champion, New York Giants reside. (Sip of Captain, and we press on.) I digress. Across the street from the Marriott, which displayed an incredible example of customer service, is Harold's Deli, a little, unassuming bistro cradled in a Day's Inn I believe. After piddling around the Jersey castle, I sought sustenance (be right back, I gotta do a spell check) (I'm back and I'm correct), I sought sustenance or for those less educated, food, I was hungry. Before I left for Jersey, I was told to check out the Deli across the street, so check it out I did. Americans, this is Jersey. The first thing I saw commanded me to take its picture. A cigarette machine! It's Jersey!

There's no smoking in the restaurant but there is a cigarette machine. As I took the picture, a customer asked my why. I said, "It's a cigarette machine! If you saw a dinosaur, you'd take its picture too!" So many customers went outside to smoke that when they came back in, they might as well had smoked in the restaurant.

Anyway, obesity.. (if I may, I've run out of the Captain and now have an interesting Bacardi in hand... Bacardi Key Lime Rum. At this time I can endorse it. I wager that it would be very nice with a Diet Coke with Lime. Typing getting difficult. How's the spelling so far?) Any way, obesity. I perused the menu for the sandwiches (aren't deli's supposed to be great for sandwiches?). I was greeted by Ruebens and turkey and Roast Beef and all the lovely meets that make a good sandwich. I also froze in fear at the price. These sandwiches were 30 bucks! Unf***ing believable! But then I saw why. One sandwich could feed the entire African nation, Sally Struthers included! Fortunately for me, there was a smaller menu with less of a selection. I chose a nice Roast Beef sandwich for about 8 bucks. It came with the all-you-can-eat pickle bar. Being a fan of pickles, I indulged. Then came dessert.

Whilst at a New York Deli, you try the cheesecake, right? So I did. Tasty big mistake!

This monstrous construction topped with blueberries was magnificent! It took me 2 days to eat half of it. I ate what I could at Harold's and took the rest back to the hotel with me. I had more for dessert the next day in my room and threw a good half of it away when I checked out the next day. Maybe the maid enjoyed it, I don't know. It was awesome and big. When I commented about its size, the bartender begged me visit the dessert thingy that held more monstrosities. Seek the pictures below.

The first picture is of a five layer chocolate thing of death. The second was almost something I ordered instead of the cheesecake. I love eclairs. Truly I do. And I almost ordered the eclair on the menu. I have mixed feelings about not ordering it. Glad I didn't, sad I didn't. Look at the thing! It's about 2 feet long. Look at it in comparison with the oversized cookies above it. Americans I have found obesity and its name is Harolds!

To sum up, I had lost 10 pounds on my diet competition with brother Scott. Four of those pounds found their way back in my week in Jersey. Fortunately I start my raquetball regimen with a 20 year old knight in training. Sweat will ensue, I'm sure.